It Always Seems Impossible Until It’s Done
“It’s not that I’m so smart, it’s just that I stay with problems longer.” – Albert Einstein
Over the holidays I spent some time with my family and decided to have a bit of healthy competition. So, I gathered my two nephews, 9 and 10 years old, to do some brain teasers. We might make it educational while we are at it right? Upon sharing my idea to spend some quality time together with them, I got that look that says: “You are going to have to do better than that to convince us to do this willingly.” And so, I took out the big guns and put some free money on the line. Of course, then we were talking business. Now, let me just say, never underestimate the negotiating skills of a 10-year-old! But nevertheless, they participated. The deal was that each one who gets the brain teaser right, will get R20.
You see, it was a bit of an experiment on my part, as I know that the one brother loves problem solving, but the other one not so much. My interest was in seeing how I can help the one who doesn’t like it. So, there they were with their own set of matches to solve this puzzle. We were not even 5 minutes into this, when the brother who doesn’t like solving problems or puzzles said, “Nope, I’m done, this is too difficult. I can’t do this.” In that moment, I felt like I was looking at our society to a great extent. In our fast-paced, everything-is-instant world, we don’t like to have to struggle and persevere to get to creative solutions. Whether it is choosing which path to take to work or more serious work or personal problems. We have unlearned the process of going through the suffering of failure or difficulty to grow to solutions that are not yet visible to us, but possible.
The Backbone Of Perseverance
In a speech that President Nelson Mandela gave back in 2001, he said: “It always seems impossible until it’s done.” Knowing his passion and purpose for a united South Africa, we know that the motive and dream for those words were weighty. But those words are just as true for our everyday challenges.
One of the competencies that we focus on within Resilience is problem solving. In our families, I believe it is one of the crucial competencies to grow in, because we know that life will never be without challenges, whether professional or private. Growing in our capacity to persevere, endure, and see problems as opportunities to find creative solutions, will benefit our families and future generations greatly!
One of the great examples we learn about and I love to use is from the life of Thomas A. Edison. We often describe him as the inventor of the lightbulb. But in actual fact, Edison was not the inventor but the refiner of the lightbulb. He was the one who solved the basic problem all the scientists faced which was preventing the bulb from overheating. This made me realize that it could very possibly have been any of those scientists who found the solution, but it was Edison who persevered though 9 999 failed attempts to get to that one solution that worked. That calls for some creativity, but mostly endurance and perseverance. The lesson we can learn from Edison is his attitude towards failure. He said: “When you have exhausted all possibilities, remember this: you haven’t”. Edison decided to look at failed attempts as opportunities to learn and grow instead of making it a reflection of who he is. At the end of his life, he held a world record of over 1 000 patents that he invented or refined.
“I Can Do This”
Now let me circle back to my experience with my nephew, as I know you are all wondering how that turned out. So, with him being locked in on “I can’t do this.” I decided to try and encourage him not to give up. I helped him with some ideas of how to look at finding the solution. And let me tell you, I have never been so close to tears over a few matches. Tears of joy and being so proud of him, that is. He decided to try and you would not believe, he got it right first, out of everyone trying to solve it! O man, the confidence boost that gave him was something to behold. He discovered that he can do it! And as a result, he got his R20 and we ended up spending the better half of that day doing one brain teaser after the other. It was only the first one that had the money incentive, I might add. Who knew that a little bit of patience, perseverance, and encouragement could be so rewarding in the end.
A few tips to grow in your problem solving competence within your family or individually:
- The Art of Creativity. Problem solving is the perfect place for creative solutions to thrive! I grew up on a farm and we used to say: “’n Boer maak ‘n plan” translated it says: “A farmer makes a plan”. When problems arise, we have to get creative in what the possible solutions can be, often thinking outside of the box. Great, fun ways to practice this is doing brain teasers, or playing strategic board games, for example, chess.
- The Pain of Perseverance. Perseverance is not the most fun thing to develop, but might be one of the most rewarding. A great way to grow in perseverance is doing a sport or new hobby and committing to that for at least a season or a year, even when you find that it is not something you like that much. Pushing through grows our perseverance greatly!
- The Power of Encouragement. Let’s be people who encourage others to try and grow. As parents or adults, we often want to show or find the solution for the one struggling, but that does not help that person grow in their problem solving competence, or give them confidence that they can do something themselves.
Contact the office for possible Family Resilience consultation and development @ office@xpand-sa.com