The Gift Called: Appreciation
“Appreciation can make a day, even change a life. Your willingness to put it into words is all that is necessary.” – Margaret Cousins
It is a few days before Christmas and I am one of those last-minute gift shoppers. Every year I regret not getting it done sooner, as I really dislike overfull shopping centres that make people look like little ants hurrying away to get that perfect gift. Speaking of: that presents the root of my problem, I want to get the perfect gift that would tell my loved ones how much they mean to me. That tells them how important they are and how much I value them, which leads to waiting and planning and searching. Now that’s a lot of pressure to put on one little gift.
Misplacing the Gift
Funnily enough, once we get to presenting the gifts, I have often found that the thing that is of greatest value and meaning to the receiver is the appreciation behind the gift and not the actual gift. After hours of searching, what every person is in great need of is being appreciated. We all have a deeply rooted need to know that we are of value and significant to others.
When it comes to our family dynamics, I think in this fast pace world we live in, we have unlearned to skill to express this appreciation to people around us. I believe that we have people who we appreciate greatly, but we find it difficult to express, or quite honestly forget to, verbalize it to them, thinking “I am sure they know I appreciate them”. But that is misplacing the gift and as a result the receiver never gets the gift of knowing they are loved and appreciated. More often than not it is important within your family to take the time to put your appreciation into words and share that with the ones you love. This helps you grow in being resilient as a family.
The Gift Within a Gift
It is all about perspective really. Within one of the competencies we focus on when growing in resilience is a lifestyle of gratitude. It is said that for every single negative thing you encounter, there are actually 10 positive things happening. The question is: what will you focus on? I see appreciation almost as a gift within the gift of gratitude. It’s a way of practically expressing what you are grateful for. And when it comes to appreciation of people, it is about the act of recognizing or understanding that someone is valuable, important, worthy and loved. Appreciation can be done silently, but showing and verbalizing appreciation is so much more powerful and rewarding to both parties.
With Christmas just a few days away and while we are in the festive season, let’s use this valuable family time to grow in our expression of appreciation for each other and in doing so grow that backbone of family resilience. Life is precious, family is a unique gift that needs to be appreciated. Make time to give the gift of appreciation to those around you.
A few tips for expressing appreciation this season:
- A gift to yourself. Bernardus of Clairvaux said: “Whoever treats himself badly, who can he be good to?” It is important to start appreciation with ourselves. One practical way is to take time for yourself, find a quiet place and make a list of 10 things that you appreciate about yourself. For example: I appreciate myself for always having integrity whether in family or business.
- A gift to your loved ones. Write a letter to every member of your family, finishing the following sentences for each: Some great things I appreciate about you are…and I enjoy spending time with you because… Give these letters with their Christmas gifts or have an appreciation night during this festive season.
- A gift to the stranger. One of the best ways to start making appreciation a culture in your family, is to practice and model it often, even with people you don’t know well. For example: appreciate the clerk helping you in the shopping mall or the waiter in the restaurant. Be specific, not general “I appreciate that” comments, but “I appreciate your friendly service”.
Get your copy of the book “Appreciation: The Gift of Dignity” for R180 or contact the office for possible Family Resilience consultation and development at: office@xpand-sa.com