Courageous Mentorship! How to navigate those dead ends!

Mentoring relationships takes effort, and once in a while, you might just feel it is over. It feels like there is either no more to give, or to receive. The reality is, it is normal for any mentor relationship to experience this up and down.

At the beginning of the relationship there is enough energy to conquer the world. Both mentor and mentee are keen to start the process, learn and add value. But, as with any relationship, we have to intentionally keep the fire burning. Soon enough, you might find the relationship hitting a plateau. This is normal. To help you understand these ups and downs, let’s look at the 3 main phases in the mentor-mentee relationship.

1. Setting the stage. At the start, it helps to have clarity on the purpose of the mentee-mentor relationship. To set clear goals and guidelines. Decide when and how to interact and build accountability parameters. Design communication principles and the set clear boundaries and expectations. This will support an easier flow for the future.

2. Sustaining the interactions. During this phase, as mentioned, we need to keep the fire burning. As with anything in life, the mentee and mentor relationship expectations might change as the relationship progresses. Check-in once in a while to evaluate and make sure you are both still aligned. Re-align and re-design where need be. If commitments and interactions need to be refined, rather, be open and honest than trying to drag a process that does not bring life.

3. The close. Finishing strong is as important, if not more, than the start. This is where the wheels fall of most of the time. Make sure to close the relationship in an honorable manner. Give feedback where needed and set the expectations for future engagements.

Now you know the 3 phases. Here are a few tips to identify roadblocks, possible dead ends and rekindle the purpose of the experience.

1. I avoid or postpone our interactions. You might even be in the conversation, but your mind is pleased to think about other more important matters. This is a sure sign of a dead end.

2. I keep doing the same thing. If a mentor is helping you with skills development, you are sure to hit a wall. This happens because your new habit and old habit are in competition. Taking time to discover why this old habit does not want to die. This sounds like a dead end, but don’t stop now, keep going. Reconnect to why you are in this process.

3. I cannot implement all we talk about. This is ok, for the most part. It is good to evaluate the cadence or rhythm between conversation, actions and implementation. Change where need be. Just make sure your not procrastinating too much.

4. Do I need to lead, guide or get out of the way. This is a key question for mentors during the journey. As the conversation progresses, keep asking yourself this question. Sometimes we might cause the stumbling block in the mentoring process.

We are now at the end of this blog series. But wait, there is more. Take time to identify your mentor/mentee reality. Where do you need to make changes? How will you grow in being a healthy mentor or mentee? Ask yourself the important questions.

We wish you all the best in your mentoring expedition!

If you need practical mentorship training, or someone to mentor, or if you would like to join a mentor tribe, please feel free to contact us at office@xpand-sa.com. We will gladly support you.

This blog in the series was written by Cias Ferreira.