STRESS! Friend or Foe?
How can relationships help us to live with longevity in a stressful world?
Stress is really bad for us. Right? Is stress our enemy?
When you hear the word stress, what is the first thing you think of? Is it a good thought or a bad one? For most of us, stress is seen as something negative. Why is that?
Stress has been a hot topic for many years, especially when speaking about the negative effects on our health. We have been told for years that stress increases the risk for many different physical health problems, like high blood pressure, heart disease, stroke, obesity, diabetes, cancer, Alzheimer’s and dementia, burn-out etc. Stress can also cause mental health problems such as anxiety and depression. We have also been told that high stress levels reduce life expectancy. Basically, we have been told that stress is a killer.
Stress is the enemy
If this is true, this is really bad news for most people because most people live with a high level of stress every day. So, what is the answer then? Stress management techniques? Finding ways to decrease stress? Quit life and escape to an Island where we can relax and be tranquil and stress free?
I’ve been spending a lot of time researching and studying how to live healthier and learning healthy lifestyle habits. The more I read the more I see that there is more to stress and our stress response than what we’ve always been told.
Recently I have read, seen and heard evidence from different sources that suggests that stress can actually be good for us and that our bodies’ stress response can actually protect and even heal our bodies.
Can stress be good for us?
Kelly McGonigal is a health psychologist and lecturer at Stanford University, who translates insights from psychology and neuroscience into practical strategies that support health and well-being. In her TEDTalk, “How to make stress your friend”, she uses different studies to explain that, how we think about stress matters. How we think and how we act while we stress, can transform our experience of stress. When we view our stress response as helpful, we create the biology of courage and this can change our bodies response to not constrict our blood vessels, but to stay relaxed during stress. This not only prevents health issues, but it also causes our body to be energized and it prepares us to meet whatever challenge was causing the stress. This means that stress is a wonderful motivator and pressure can increase our performance.
The healthiest and best part about stress
The most under-appreciated aspect of the stress-response is that stress makes us social. How? Oxytocin. Most of us know oxytocin as “the cuddle hormone” or “the love hormone”, which is released by our bodies when we give someone a hug or experience other physical contact with loved ones. However, oxytocin is just as much part of our stress response as adrenaline that causes our heart to pound. It is released by our Pituitary gland when we stress, to motivate us to seek support and to nudge us to tell someone how we feel, instead of dealing with it alone. Oxytocin also increases our empathy, by helping us to notice when someone else is struggling and to motivate us to want to support each other.
Oxytocin acts on the body to protect the cardiovascular system from the effects of stress. This hormone is a natural anti-inflammatory and helps our blood vessels to stay relaxed. Our heart also has receptors for this hormone and oxytocin helps heart cells to regenerate and heal from any stress-induced damage.
Human connection and good relationships are the best antidote to stress
We are made for healthy relationships and human connection and interaction. Neurobiologically this is how we are wired. Relationships are good for us. Connection and relationships help us to deal with stress in a healthy way. Relationships and connections have been proven by various studies to be the biggest contributor to long life. Here are some more studies that all echo this truth.
Blue zones and stress
What about the “Blue Zones”? Do they live stress free lives? Is that their secret? No. Before I explain further, let me first clarify what Blue Zones are. Blue Zones are areas of the world where people live the longest lives, consistently reaching age 100. Dan Buettner, the founder of the concept of Blue Zones, studied the areas where these people live to discover what the secret to longevity and living longer, better is. The research shows that people who live in the blue zones live with the same stresses that others do, and yet they still live long healthy lives. So, what is their secret? People living in Blue Zones do have daily rituals that reduce stress and reverse the inflammation associated with stress. Research shows some similarities in their movement and diet that contributes to their health, but one factor that is most defining is their social life.
The centenarians and people who live in the Blue Zones value connection and all apply three basic principles.
- Prioritise loved ones: They will often prioritize spending time with their family over working extra hours. Buettner says: “People in the Blue Zones make their partners a priority, nurture their relationships and invest in them.”
- Belonging: They tend to belong to a faith-based community. According to Buettner, Individuals of faith who regularly attend a faith-based service live 4 to 14 years longer than their peers who do not.
- The right Tribe: They actively maintain the right social circle. Buettner said that Health behaviours are contagious and so are deleterious behaviours (like smoking, excessive drinking, overeating, etc.) Choosing the right friends is one of the biggest secrets to help these centenarians do the right things and avoid the wrong ones.
The secret to long life is healthy relationships
Juliane Holt-Lunstad is a professor of psychology and neuroscience at Bringham Young University. She and her colleagues did a series of studies of tens of thousands of middle-aged people. She recorded every aspect of their lifestyle: Diet, exercise, marital status, how often they went to the doctor, whether they smoked or drank, chronic health issues, etc. Then she waited 7 years to see who lived or died. She then analysed her data to find what reduces your chances of dying the most.
Of all the factors that can reduce the risk of dying the two biggest contributors were close relationships and social interactions. These social aspects had a bigger influence than things like smoking, excessive drinking and even healthy diet or exercise. Susan Pinker explains this in detail in her TedTalk, “The secret to living longer, may be your social life”.
Can your social life extend your life more than physical exercise?
The Copenhagen City Heart Study by Danish physician, Peter Schnohr, looked at the life expectancies associated with different sports. The different sports that they considered in the study were: tennis, badminton, soccer, jogging, cycling, calisthenics, swimming, and health club activities like treadmills, ellipticals and weights.
The results were:
- Tennis: 9.7 years gain in life expectancy
- Badminton: 6.2 years
- Soccer: 4.7 years
- Cycling: 3.7 years
- Swimming 3.4 years
- Jogging: 3.2 years
- Calisthenics: 3.1 years
- Health club activities: 1.5 years
We all know that exercise and sports help us to deal with stress, but why did tennis, badminton and soccer do so well? Tennis was clearly the winner and could increase your life expectancy with 9.7 years.
Why tennis? These are the sports that require 2 or more people and involve a lot of social interaction. The authors explain it as follows:
“Belonging to a group that meets regularly promotes a sense of support, trust, and commonality, which has been shown to contribute to a sense of well-being and improved long-term health.”
How can we live longer even in the midst of stress?
Stress and our stress response is not necessarily bad for us. If we believe that stress is bad for us, it will affect us badly. But if we see our stress response as our bodies’ way of helping us to deal with the stress and overcome the situation, it is good for our health.
When we speak about stress and managing stress, we often focus a lot on healthy lifestyle habits like diet and exercise, but do we place enough emphasis on relationships? It is crucial for us to focus on building healthy relationships and to design social lifestyles that can help us deal with stress and live long healthy lives.
Tips on building healthy relationships:
- Make time for friends and family.
- Prioritise social interactions in your everyday life, especially when working from home.
- Join a social tennis club or book club or CrossFit or any social/community club.
- Design your life with healthy rhythms of socialising and building deep meaningful relationships with people.
Blog written by Marielle Louw.
For consultation or coaching on stress management or any other personal mastery processes, please contact our office at office@xpand-sa.com